Let Go of Expectations. They Just Make You Miserable.
An unexpected message from my grandmother and a lesson I'm still learning.
The other day, I had an Akashic Records reading.
Now, I'll be the first to admit, I didn't really know what an Akashic Records reading was. š
But our dear friend and client, Maria, offered me a reading, and I thought, why not? I'm always open to exploring something new.
Well, I wasn't expecting to get called out by my grandmother from the other side.
But here we are.
During the reading, a message came through from my grandmother:
"Let go of expectations. They just make you miserable."
I actually chuckled.
Because, Grandma, I hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure I learned that one from YOU.
The Expectations We Inherit
My grandmother had very high expectations of people.
She had a picture in her mind of how people shouldĀ behave, what they shouldĀ do, and how they shouldĀ show up.
And when they didn't?
She was disappointed. Frustrated. Sometimes downright miserable.
Not necessarily because anyone had done something wrong, but because they hadn't done what she thought they should do.
And as much as I love my grandmother, I can see how that pattern found its way into my own life.
For much of my life, I held myself to ridiculously high expectations.
I remember being at a training years ago when a facilitator looked at me and asked:
"Are your expectations of yourself so high that you'll never actually reach them?"
Ouch.
That one landed.
Because the answer was yes.
No matter how much I accomplished, how hard I worked, how much I gave, or how well I showed up, it was never quite enough.
There was always something more I could have done. Something I could have done better.
And here's what really struck me.
Nobody else was holding me to those expectations. I was.
I had created a standard for myself that I could never fully meet, and then wondered why I so rarely felt satisfied with what I'd accomplished.
When We Expect Others to Think Like Us
Here's where it gets interesting.
Because I expected so much of myself, I naturally expected a whole lot from other people, too.
Except there was one little problem.
I didn't always communicate those expectations.
I just expected people to know.
To think like me. To do what I would do. To show up the way I thought they should.
And then I'd get frustrated when they didn't.
Imagine that. People having the audacity to be themselves instead of the version of them I'd created in my head. š
But seriously, how often do we do this?
We expect our spouse to know what we need without telling them.
We expect our friends to show up for us in exactly the way we would show up for them.
We expect our colleagues or business partners to approach things the way we would.
And when they don't, we feel hurt, frustrated, disappointed, or even resentful.
All because of an expectation they may not have even known existed.
We create an entire set of rules in our minds, never share the rulebook, and then get upset when someone doesn't follow it.
And I can tell you from experience, that's an exhausting way to live.
Expectations vs. Agreements: A Life-Changing Distinction
One of the biggest lessons in my personal growth journey has been learning the difference between expectations and agreements.
And it has changed how I approach my relationships, my business, and myself.
Expectations are often unspoken assumptions about how things should be.
They're the stories we create about what someone should do, how they should behave, or what they should know.
Agreements, on the other hand, are intentional conversations.
They're spoken. They're clear. They're mutual.
They give both people the opportunity to say, "Yes, I'm on board with that," or "No, that doesn't work for me."
And that changes everything.
When we replace unspoken expectations with clear agreements, we create space for understanding instead of resentment.
We stop expecting people to read our minds.
We stop measuring people against standards they never agreed to.
And perhaps most importantly, we begin taking responsibility for communicating what we need instead of expecting others to figure it out.
Of course, an agreement doesn't guarantee that someone will follow through. But it gives us a shared understanding and a place to begin a real conversation when something isn't working.
Loving People Where They Are, As They Are
Another part of this journey has been learning to love people where they are and as they are.
Not who I think they should be.
Not who I believe they could become.
Not the version of them I've created in my head.
But who they actually are.
And let me tell you, this hasn't always been easy for someone who spent much of her life believing she knew how things should be done. š
But there's a tremendous amount of freedom in releasing the need for people to be different.
We can love someone without needing to change them.
We can recognize someone's potential without making it our responsibility to get them there.
We can allow people to make their own choices, even when those choices aren't the ones we would make.
And we can decide what works for us and what doesn't.
Which brings me to an important distinction.
Releasing Expectations Doesn't Mean Lowering Your Standards
I want to be really clear about something.
Letting go of expectations doesn't mean abandoning your standards.
It doesn't mean tolerating disrespect, ignoring your needs, or accepting behavior that doesn't align with your values.
It doesn't mean you stop having boundaries.
In fact, I believe it's quite the opposite.
Standards are about what I choose for myself. Expectations are often about what I think other people should choose. Agreements are about what we consciously choose together.
I can have a standard for how I want to be treated.
I can communicate that standard.
I can make agreements with the people in my life.
And I can have boundaries around what I'm willing to participate in.
What I can't do is control how someone else chooses to behave.
And when I stop trying, I free up an enormous amount of energy.
Energy I can put toward my own growth, my relationships, my joy, and the things that actually matter to me.
Breaking the Patterns We Inherit
I keep coming back to my grandmother's message.
"Let go of expectations. They just make you miserable."
There's something both funny and beautiful about receiving that wisdom from someone who struggled with the very same thing.
Because so many of our patterns are passed down through generations.
We learn them by watching the people who raised us, loved us, and influenced us.
Often, we don't even realize we've adopted them until life gives us an opportunity to see them differently.
And here's what I find so powerful:
We can love the people who came before us without continuing the patterns that made them miserable.
We can honor their lives, appreciate what they taught us, and still choose a different way of being.
We can recognize the patterns we've inherited and ask ourselves whether they're actually serving us.
And when they're not?
We get to choose again.
Your Weekly Shift: What Are Your Expectations Costing You?
So here's what I'd love for you to consider this week.
Where in your life are your expectations creating unnecessary disappointment?
Are you holding yourself to a standard that you'll never allow yourself to reach?
Are you expecting someone to show up in a way you've never actually communicated?
Are you waiting for someone to become a different version of themselves before you allow yourself to be happy?
And what might change if you released the expectation?
Maybe it's time to have a conversation.
Maybe it's time to create a clear agreement.
Maybe it's time to establish a boundary.
Or maybe, just maybe, it's time to give yourself permission to be human.
To recognize how far you've come instead of constantly focusing on how far you still have to go.
I'm still learning this one.
But I'm grateful for the reminder.
Because life is too short to spend it being miserable over the way we think things shouldĀ be instead of appreciating what actually is.
What expectations are you ready to release?
With love and possibility,
Jessica ā¤ļø
P.S. A special thank-you to our dear friend and client Maria for the beautiful Akashic Records reading that inspired this reflection. If you're curious about exploring an Akashic Records reading, tarot reading, or Human Design reading, you can connect with Maria here:
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