Don’t Let Some Random Guy on the 9th Hole Steal Your Joy

Sunday, Michelle and I played in a golf tournament with our husbands, Lief and Rodd.

We were having a blast.

Were we playing spectacular golf?

Debatable. 😂

But we were playing okay, laughing a lot, enjoying each other and having a really great day.

Until…

That guy.

And Then There Was That Guy

The guy playing behind us started yelling at us from the fairway.

Then, when we got to the turn, he confronted us and informed us that we were two and a half holes behind.

Except…

We weren’t.

We were literally right behind the group in front of us.

Now, you might think that four people who spend a LOT of time doing personal-development work would have immediately taken a deep breath, accessed our highest selves, and sent this man love and light.

You would be wrong. 🤣

We got pissed.

We talked about him.

We laughed about him.

We may have said a few things that won’t be making an appearance in our next guided meditation.

And then something hilarious happened.

We started playing better golf.

Apparently anger is the swing thought I’ve been missing all these years. 😂

We even offered to let him play through.

He refused.

Which left us thinking:

Sir. You cannot be both this angry AND unwilling to pass us. Pick a struggle. 🤣

Personal Growth Doesn’t Mean You Never Get Pissed Off

Eventually, we went right back to having fun.

And honestly, I think there’s a bigger lesson in that.

Sometimes we get this idea that doing personal-development work means we shouldn’t get angry anymore.

We shouldn’t be triggered.

We shouldn’t let things bother us.

We should somehow be so evolved that when someone is being a complete jerk, we smile serenely and think, I wonder what wound is causing him to behave this way?

Ummm… maybe later. 😂

First, I might just be pissed.

And that’s okay.

Being emotionally aware doesn’t mean you stop having emotions.

It means you learn how to feel them without letting them run the show.

You’re allowed to be angry.

You’re allowed to be frustrated.

You’re allowed to be hurt, disappointed, irritated or annoyed.

Feel it.

Process it.

Talk about it.

Laugh about it if you can.

Just don’t build a house there.

You Don’t Have to Hand Over the Keys

There’s a big difference between having an emotion and handing that emotion the keys to your day.

And there’s an even bigger difference between letting someone affect you for a moment and allowing them to control how you experience the next six hours.

This guy was clearly affecting us.

But he didn’t get to decide whether we had a great day.

That decision was still ours.

And I think we forget how much power there is in that.

Someone can criticize you.

Someone can misunderstand you.

Someone can be rude to you.

Someone can bring their judgment, anger, expectations, bad mood or general nonsense right into the middle of your beautiful day.

You don’t have to pretend it doesn’t bother you.

But you also don’t have to carry it around for the rest of the day.

Your Joy Belongs to You

That’s what Sunday reminded me.

Your joy belongs to you.

So does your peace.

So does your fun.

And yes, so does your freaking golf game—even when the golf game is questionable. 😂

Other people can affect us. Of course they can. We’re human.

Circumstances affect us.

Things happen that piss us off.

The goal isn’t to become so “evolved” that nothing ever gets to you.

The goal is to become aware enough to recognize:

I’m angry.

I’m triggered.

This really bothered me.

And then decide:

But I’m not giving it the rest of my day.

Feel it.

Let it move.

Come back to yourself.

Come back to the people you love.

Come back to the moment you were enjoying before somebody else showed up with their nonsense.

Because sometimes personal growth looks less like sitting peacefully on a meditation cushion…

…and more like talking a little shit with your friends, absolutely crushing your next drive, laughing your ass off and deciding:

You don’t get to steal my joy.

And maybe that’s the question for all of us:

Who—or what—have you been giving a little too much power over how you feel?

Maybe it’s time to take it back.

This Is the Work We Do

This is a big part of the work Michelle and I do with women.

We help women become aware of the unconscious patterns, beliefs and triggers that can hijack their peace, confidence, relationships and choices—and then help them release and repattern what’s underneath them.

Not so that nothing ever pisses you off again.

That would be a pretty unrealistic promise. 😂

But so that when life happens—and it will—you can feel what you feel without getting stuck there.

You can come back to yourself.

You can consciously choose how you want to show up.

And you can stop giving other people and outside circumstances so much power over how you experience your life.

Because real freedom isn’t controlling everything around you.

It’s knowing you don’t have to give everything around you control over you.

And sometimes…

you might even play better golf because of it. 😉

—Jessica